Here Are 3 Modest Business Proposals To Exploit the Gender Wage Gap

Equal work deserves equal pay
Equal work deserves equal pay

[EDITORS NOTE: Please enable sarcasm font on your device or computer]

Ever since I gave up capitalism, due to an aggressive and brilliant #ResistCapitalism campaign that totally changed my worldview, I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with the three business ideas to which I can no longer devote any time. I am willing to sign over the legal rights to all of them at no charge, as charging for them would be exploitative.

All three business ideas were inspired by the reality of the gender wage gap atrocity that faces America. Men get paid more than women. Someone should be earning a fortune off of that – just not me, because I’m resisting capitalism.

Hillary Clinton has made it a hallmark of her campaign; this is from her website:

Screen Shot 2016-04-15 at 8.28.19 PM

Bernie Sanders has as well and this is from his:

Screen Shot 2016-04-15 at 8.29.23 PM

My thought was this: exploit this obvious weakness in the marketplace and make a financial killing. If indeed men get paid more than women for doing the same work, under identical circumstances, there should be some money to be made.

Of course, there have been some studies that “claim” to utterly and completely debunk the existence of the gender wage gap, but they must be wrong if both Bernie and Hillary have made it such a central part of their run for the presidency.

Here they are, in ascending order of potential profit potential and all of them are specifically designed to take advantage of the way the marketplace treats men and women differently:

Woman-to-Man Mobile Makeovers

This concept is very simple. If an employer thinks that a potential employee is male instead of female, they will (1) be more likely to hire them and (2) pay them more. The obvious solution for a woman is to not let the business know that she is one.

The key to success, of course, relies on the potential employer never having any idea that a makeover had occurred. Exclusively advertising the company on Pinterest, a no-man zone if there ever was one, is one such idea that I’d come up with.

Sex-Change Surgery Lending

This is ONLY for those that essentially want to make permanent a temporary makeover for the sake of increased income in the male-dominated marketplace. Women who are serious about earning big money throughout their careers really should consider becoming men.

Funds would be advanced for a surgery and paid back via the increased pay resultant from being a man. The beauty of this is that no credit or income verification would be needed as the borrower’s income will go up immediately. In other words, it’s the PERFECT loan program.

For cash-flow purposes, the newly established debt could be profitably sold off, much as done in the mortgage business, as everyone knows bankers will overpay for anything to satisfy their greed (refer to Bernie and Hillary’s campaign sites for documented proof).

Women-Only Engineering

This concept spins the first two ideas completely on their heads. Rather than helping women earn more by being thought of as or actually becoming men, this business hires only women. From the executive suite to the mailroom, there won’t be a single penis in the building. By having a firm with no men (and their correspondingly much-higher wages), labor costs would necessarily be lower, allowing the company to underbid its competitors. This will result in a rapid increase in market share and immediate massive returns, as the male-dominated firms will be unable to compete.

There is room, for those so inclined, for a social justice aspect in this idea as well. Everyone knows, including the White House, that a woman will take $0.78 for a job that a man does for $1.00. This company could offer an additional $0.05, promote itself as a progressive workplace that’s sensitive and caring, and then curry favor with activist groups. This will insulate it from the criticism that will certainly be coming as a result of the outsized profits it will earn over the course of the business year.

As stated up front, I’m no longer interested in pursuing these ventures, so please contact me at @MPHaus on Twitter if you’re interested.

Originally posted on IndependentJournal. Reposted with permission.